New Year's Eve is here, and we're told that it's the beginning of a new year. It's been a long time since we've had coffee in the morning, so we interrupt this program to tell you that the new year hasn't arrived yet. We're guessing that's because we haven't had a cup of coffee since the end of Chapter 678, which was supposed to be the year of the snake. The narrator tells us that he lost track of time and doesn't know where he's at. He's bummed because he'd planned to make some new year resolutions, but then he realizes that the year isn't going to go as planned. He apologizes for making him worry, and says that he'll try to make up for lost time. He tells the narrator not to try to find him, because it'll be a sea of people looking for him. He asks the narrator to bring his phone with him, but the narrator can't find his parents' phone, so the narrator asks if he can borrow her phone for a moment. He says that the future is dark for both men and women, and that his mom has just gotten remarried, and she's got a new baby brother and sister-in-law. He thanks the narrator for the help, and then he asks if there's a place he can go after this. He wants to know what's up with the paper scissors, and the paper, and why they're doing it, and what he can do about it.