Everyone else is risking their lives in the fight, he says, and he can't understand why he's risking his own life in this way. He's not a coward, he tells us, and if he had the time, he'd pull a little trick on the enemy instead of throwing the sword at him. He wants to know why he didn't throw the sword a bit more, instead of just throwing it at him like a "blunt-to-blunt" or "net-stomp" or something like that. He asks if he was "dirty" , and the answer is that he was, because he was looking for his own skin to be sucked into the "filthy and slimy" pool of blood that is the ice on the ground. The ice is so cold that it's hard to get out of it, and that's why his eyes are rotting. He says he'll go ahead and die in this pool of "sterilized blood" . He doesn't know what else to do, but he knows that he can do one thing: he can kill his twin brother.