The narrator hates sex on his first day of living with his new roommate. He can't believe that his childhood friend made him "cum" right away, but he's not sure what to do about it. He tells his friend to "rub" him, to "not shiver there" , and to "just close up squelch" when he leaves the room. The narrator swears that if he gets sick from this, he won't be able to catch it from the kiss.