The narrator hates sex on his first day of living with his new roommate. He's sure that his childhood friend gave him a "quick blowjob" , which made him "cum-sucking slurp push" . The narrator swears that his body is already "sensitive to sex" and that he's going to have to "go in slowly" to get "squishy." He tells his roommate to "prank shiver" and "swoop shlip" and then "just do it as you like it" and he'll be fine.