In this chapter, the narrator reflects on his relationship with his mother. He writes down everything he wants to say to his mother in a notebook, which he keeps in his heart. He imagines millions of scenarios in which he sees his mother again, and what he should say when he does, but why does his nose always feel uncomfortable when he actually sees her. He remembers when he was a kid, when he asked her to make him snacks for the day. He doesn't remember, but it was her job to take care of him. When she had him, she didn't know what to do with him, so she couldn't care for him. It was very hard for her, and she had to pull herself together. When he grew up, he learned to walk, call her mommy, and flower, and her heart was "illumed up," she says. Sometimes she would think about the days when she worked, and the thought of spending her life like this would fill her whole body. Why is she back so late, she asks. She even takes it out on her father, who is a jerk. After that, she wanted to pick her up several times, but when she saw that she was smiling happily, she felt so distant that she could not see her anymore. Her smiling face is "fading away" in her mind. She tells him that he must hate her a lot, and that she once cursed her badly, and then told her good life even if she lived a