"Big slacker me a what" , the narrator tells us, is the title of this chapter's opening soliloquy. He's a big slacker, and he's not happy about the fact that his friend, alvan, is getting all the love and attention. He wants to know why alvan isn't getting a girlfriend like him. He tells us that he doesn't care what other people think of him, and that he'll beat up anyone who tries to make fun of him. "I love you," he says, "but if you mess up with the people I don't want to beat you." The narrator then goes on to tell us that alvan's girlfriend, arin, is his girlfriend, too, and so he wants to leave them alone. He tries to get her to come with him to school, but she refuses, saying that she's his girlfriend. The narrator tells her to go home, and then he tells her that he still wants to beat her up, but that he won't because he loves her more than anyone else. He also tells her he'd like to give her a cold compress to help heal her wounds, and to come to his school's doctor's office to get his wounds treated. He says that he saw alvan and arin together after the fight, but he didn't say anything about it at the time. He asks if they're still friends, and she says that they are. He then asks if she took the fight seriously, and says that she never felt like they broke up, and they never felt that they were in love. "Still my love," the narrator says. "Let's make it up now," he tells us. "Almost, tch, party poopers" . "Hey , arrin, just tell me what you're up to," he