In this chapter, the narrator continues his tale of unrequited love. He begins by asking the reader to imagine what it would be like to be a "big girl" but not to be "a big girl" with "shaquille" as her lover. He tells the reader that he feels "reeeeal sex" and that she is "a very joy blue" . The narrator goes on to tell the reader how he feels about the fact that she has been given a "bag of babylon" by the "heathens" and how the "nutjobs" have taught his daughters "body issues" and "havoclots." The narrator then asks the reader why "disparity.com" is linking to this story. The gossip site is offering the narrator "seed capital" in exchange for his "15 minutes of fame" , and the narrator agrees.