"Maintenance Woman" is a short lesson on how to be a good wife and mother. It's a good one, but it's not really a great one. It starts off by asking what's going on at the school. The narrator says he can't figure out what the girls are talking about. He says women get insecure when they feel like they're not getting enough from their husbands, so they ask him what he's doing with them. He explains that men are sad when they don't get what they want from their wives, because women are insecure. He goes on to say that the girls in the picture are wearing cuter clothes than the ones he'd wear if he were on a date with her. He tells the girls that they should go to the haunted house and ask the staff to take their husbands there. He's worried that the ghost of the girl in the photo is going to show up and take him away from his wife. He thinks she's probably going to go to a haunted house with him, but he doesn't know why she would want to go there with him. He wonders if the ghost is just going to rumble and rumble again. He also wonders if she'll be able to pull off the date. He knows that she was good-hearted when he first fell in love with her, but now she seems to be full of self-pity. He asks his dad why he hasn't gone home yet, and he says he'll tell him.