The protagonist wakes up in the middle of the night to find a stalker reporter waiting for him outside his apartment. The stalker reporter demands to know what he's up to. The protagonist tells him that he has a story to tell the stalker reporter and that he'll give him the scoop if the reporter doesn't write about him in an article. He then asks the reporter to send him a picture of the celebrity he was trying to photograph when he was out on the streets. He's glad he took the picture back in the day, because now he can use it as leverage to get a job at a magazine. The reporter is shocked that the protagonist would think that he would take such an amazing picture in one attempt. He says that the reporter is our "ace." The protagonist says that he wants to beat up the reporters anytime he sees one. He wants to take care of lonely men. He promises to wash, feed, and wax them and then drop some wax on their bodies if they need it. He also promises that if a client wants it, he will do the same for them. He tells the reporter not to even knock on the woman's door, because she's a "perverted jerk." He then goes on to say that he made "omurice" for dinner. The narrator says that if the guy can't be her man, then it's okay for him to be a "woman's man" as well. He thinks that the two of them