"The speedy snack" is a short scene set in front of a fast-food restaurant in Wales, England. It's the middle of the day, and the narrator complains about the heat and the smell of the food. He's also complaining about the apartment he's been given, which he says is "disgusting" and "filthy" . The narrator complains that the air conditioning is broken, and that the sun is "frying my brain" , but he says it's better to be out in the sun than indoors. He complains that he and his fiancee are the only two people in the restaurant and that they're the only ones who want to eat. They talk about the recent "explosion" that took place a few miles away from the restaurant, and they all agree that it was a good thing that it took place so close to them. They also agree that "the zombies" are not as bad as the "walking dead" people. They're just "another spoiled zombie." The narrator is all, "oh my god, what the hell's going on here?" . He says that since the first time they saw each other, they've realized that each of them is "more beautiful" than the other. They decide that they should have a "fun" time with the "great diva" and make her "a new star." They've all realized that the "reporter" has urged the citizens of Wales to stay home, so why not have some fun? The narrator says that he has wanted to "kick the great divas ass" many times