The novel opens with a soliloquy by the narrator, who tells the reader that he's been stuck teaching an "airhead novelist" about "love blink" . In other words, the narrator is trying to teach an airhead a lesson about sex. The narrator says that he wants to have sex, but that he doesn't know how to do it. He wants to know what it's like to be in love with someone, and he wants the two of them to feel good about the experience. He tells the narrator that he can't "just loosen you up" and "prick it in" , but he can "bear with some pain" by having sex with someone who's not his lover. He also says that the narrator's face isn't the same as a woman's, so he'll have to prepare some lotion for the sex. He says that if the sex is going to be sexual, he wants it to be good, and that he and the narrator need to feel "good" about it. This is a really important point, because the narrator says he'd rather have sex with a woman than with a man. He's also worried that the sex will make the narrator feel self-centered, like a mope or a "bag of drawers." He wants the sex to be "limited to just sex," so that the two can "swoop off to get her." The narrator agrees that this is a good idea, and says that they can "just jerk off" to get the woman they want. He asks the narrator to open her mouth and follow what he does. He then asks her to "smile shudder ah" and to "always feel this good." He tells her that she's already jerk