"How to Mess with a Festy Kitten" The narrator tells us that he's been sick for a long time. He's also been thinking about his brother, who's just been discharged from the hospital. He asks his landlord if he can get out of the rent he owes him. The landlord says no, but the narrator doesn't want to hear it. He wants to know if there's anyone he can ask to help him out. The narrator asks if anyone can live with him, work for him, or do the housework for him. His landlord says he can't do that, but he'll pay someone else if they do the rest as well. He also asks if they can all sleep together, and the narrator says yes, but it's essential that they do it together. He tells the landlord that he won't hire him if he'd sleep with some old man, or spread his legs for someone else, or whatever. He says he'm not interested in sleeping with someone who'll make him feel better, and he wants to sleep with someone else who will give him some money.