When Hirokazu asks her why she didn't kill him, she tells him that it was because of his "ridiculous levels of magic . . resis / tance" . In other words, she says, he's so crazy that he wouldn't have been able to get a scratch on his arm if he'd been Hiroyuki's patient. She also says that sometimes it takes a "special something team" to be an "excellent who addition to " , and that's what she's referring to when she says she'd hate the bullies who bullied her. She's not saying that she wanted to be like them, but she is saying that if she were in her position, she would hate them. She says that she would lose her patients' trust and the thing that makes her life worth living , if she ever tried to talk to anyone about it.